Double shot espresso, taknak sugar syrup satu!
Ah I would call that a heaven on earth.
I have not been on my toes for god knows how long and to be honest, I feel like I don't know myself that much anymore. Too consumed with work, work that I don't even enjoy.
I have a lot of What Ifs and Maybes nowadays they're keeping me entertain along with my stress. My main lady told me I am getting OK, and that I got this managed under my belt, although at times I agree with her wholeheartedly, but I beg to differ.
Life is life, you know?
Which brings me to my next point: I started Tinder, purely for social experiment. also, aside for the fact that I have been single by choice for almost half a decade, now turning that choice into the opposite because priorities, man.
Like I have been hearing cases and stories it is not as scary as it sounds, BUT, here's my take so far being such a green prospect (I have only been on it for a short than a week):
1) It is, superficial af.
I mean, I should have known better on the app that only uses your face as the representation of everything you are - cool or not/ your bio is just supplementary.
2) You swipe right, you matched, and then what?
Then, comes the awkward conversation starters and which most of the time I feel like clicking that unmatch option again and again.
So far I have met decent matches, no creepers yet. Thank God.
One person appears too cool, that *I* feel intimidated to continue with the small banter, (unfortunately (or fortunately? Depends on how you look at it?) he's my type, my type).
The other person is so easy to talk to, I feel like we should've been bros. No kid.
Well and there are also a total silence, when matched.
3) It's a training ground.
It gave me that vibe. I mean it is famously known for hookups platform and that should not be a surprise to me, but oh god I get sleazy vibes all around, I feel like this is not the place for you to be looking for something more than a 24 hours connection.
I guess th
*Whatsapp dings* S is leaving town for a year today, I am gonna miss his weird antics. I have been saying goodbye to people for the past 2 months and I don't want to keep that as a routine, 2016 has such a bumpy beginning, man.
Anyway, as I was saying --- I guess those success stories chance a lot on luck, and also how open you are to new things and how tolerable you are with new things too.
I prefer the old fashioned way -- no shortcuts. You woo me, I got woo-ed (or either way, I've been in both situation), spend some time together and then decide on being a thing.
Sekian.
HAVE I TOLD YOU BANKS IS SUCH A GODDESS?!
(Sticks - Banks; you're welcome)
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Saturday, January 9, 2016
Blurry Face
Let me be real honest, 2015 was the year that I started to feel like I should disappear for good.
Either a) I leave this body and all its existence b) I leave home, start anew where no one knows my name, my quirks, my lows, my pain, my bad habits.
I hold dear to 2014 because that was the year that every big dreams came true. I finally felt belong with/to my body. I finally felt I am not a waste of space and that my existence matter. However, not gonna lie for one bit I push people away. I guess I started to realize how I hoard people. I keep toxic people around me because I *think* I need them, while in reality, I was just lonely and I was such a fucking people pleaser that even people that are not worth my time deserve the chance to validate me.
How wrong was that?
I dived in 2015 with so much expectations and I was being let down. Who am I kidding? A year doesn't define you, a year is not a fancy smchancy "new chapter" people make it to be. We romanticize new year so much so it has become unrealistic idea to live with.
What define you? Your actions. No matter what year you are at. Everyday is a new chance.
Now it is 2016. I am one year away from hitting 3 series. Spent my new year's eve at home, spring cleaning a few stuff over the weekend and then start my 12hours job again, seems to be repetitive but you know what, this career life does not define me either. It's what I do that matters - no matter at work or after work, all of that is me.
Planning my next adventure, funnily enough I am scared this time around, however excited still. Pray for me?
xx,
D.
Either a) I leave this body and all its existence b) I leave home, start anew where no one knows my name, my quirks, my lows, my pain, my bad habits.
I hold dear to 2014 because that was the year that every big dreams came true. I finally felt belong with/to my body. I finally felt I am not a waste of space and that my existence matter. However, not gonna lie for one bit I push people away. I guess I started to realize how I hoard people. I keep toxic people around me because I *think* I need them, while in reality, I was just lonely and I was such a fucking people pleaser that even people that are not worth my time deserve the chance to validate me.
How wrong was that?
I dived in 2015 with so much expectations and I was being let down. Who am I kidding? A year doesn't define you, a year is not a fancy smchancy "new chapter" people make it to be. We romanticize new year so much so it has become unrealistic idea to live with.
What define you? Your actions. No matter what year you are at. Everyday is a new chance.
Now it is 2016. I am one year away from hitting 3 series. Spent my new year's eve at home, spring cleaning a few stuff over the weekend and then start my 12hours job again, seems to be repetitive but you know what, this career life does not define me either. It's what I do that matters - no matter at work or after work, all of that is me.
Planning my next adventure, funnily enough I am scared this time around, however excited still. Pray for me?
xx,
D.
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