Blurry Face

Let me be real honest, 2015 was the year that I started to feel like I should disappear for good.
Either a) I leave this body and all its existence b) I leave home, start anew where no one knows my name, my quirks, my lows, my pain, my bad habits.

I hold dear to 2014 because that was the year that every big dreams came true. I finally felt belong with/to my body. I finally felt I am not a waste of space and that my existence matter. However, not gonna lie for one bit I push people away. I guess I started to realize how I hoard people. I keep toxic people around me because I *think* I need them, while in reality, I was just lonely and I was such a fucking people pleaser that even people that are not worth my time deserve the chance to validate me.

How wrong was that?

I dived in 2015 with so much expectations and I was being let down. Who am I kidding? A year doesn't define  you, a year is not a fancy smchancy "new chapter" people make it to be. We romanticize new year so much so it has become unrealistic idea to live with.

What define you? Your actions. No matter what year you are at. Everyday is a new chance.

Now it is 2016. I am one year away from hitting 3 series. Spent my new year's eve at home, spring cleaning a few stuff over the weekend and then start my 12hours job again, seems to be repetitive but you know what, this career life does not define me either. It's what I do that matters - no matter at work or after work, all of that is me.

Planning my next adventure, funnily enough I am scared this time around, however excited still. Pray for me?

xx,
D.