Now Playing: Transatlanticism.

I went to see Death Cab for Cutie yesterday, and my life is complete.

I cried to Transatlanticism. They played Marching Bands of Manhattan. Passenger Seat was mindblowingly magical. I danced my ass off for the whole two hours (+/-). Little Wanderer was just as I imagined it would be but better. They didn't talk much, but Ben said Thank you after every song it made me feel all warm and fuzzy and aaaaaaaaaah. EVERYONE WAS FUCKING ENERGETIC.

I honestly feel like I am 18 again.
Good music, man, good music.

And guys, I have the bragging rights to say it aloud now: I HAVE NOW SEEN THE NEW YEAR LIVE.
It has been my new year anthem for ages.


I want to remember the night as something magical. I relived my youth. Discovered again why live music is such a big deal to me, because it just is -- I am capable of feeling a rush of emotions all at once and I miss that.

If I were to write myself a letter to my 18-year old music nerd, it would be this:

Dear D,

1. The Academy Is? They will disband and you will be heartbroken, but then you will meet Bill, you will see him live and will have the most awkward 3 mins phone call with him, and he will wish you Happy Birthday on your 25th.

2. Butcher will give you one of his paintings as present, on top of one you will buy. He will got beaten up so bad and you will ask about his recovery and he will tell you he named his favorite cat Delilah, which unfortunately died but that will be the sweetest twitter exchange ever. EVER.

3. Patrick Stump will wish you a great day ahead.

4. You will experience Death Cab for Cutie live, at least once. I know it is just a random band on Myspace now, but you will experience all range of emotions when you listen to Transatlanticism, Passenger Seat, Death of An Interior Decorator (Especially on that one day you feel all hopes are lost and this song speaks to you in a whole new perspective), welp now that I babble on it, your whole life at this point in time, and maybe up until you get to 26, revolves around this album.

5. You will befriend Yuna, no fucking kidding.  You will also ask her to perform on your final year dinner, of which she will turned it down because of her final exams. And she will be so big one day, she'll work with people you would have never imagined.

6. Tegan and Sara? They will be so fucking good live. You will enjoy this so much.

7. As impossible as this may seem to you now, you will appreciate top 40. They are not too bad. :p You will discover Ed Sheeran though in a few years and you will see him live too. On a trip you have never even imagine you would take. (I still feel surreal)

8. You will see Incubus live. And fast forward to years later, you will randomly bumped into Mike and you will fangirl so hard you let out a giddy "HI MIKE!" and he will turn around and say "Hey!" with an unflattering photo of both of you but your utopian dream finally unfolded.

9. You think you might slow down on shows, but guess what sister! Things will keep getting better and better you will just have to accept it and enjoy every new music coming your way. Look out for The Impatient Sisters.

10. At some point in life, you will appreciate your playlist so much.


You're pretty cool, (despite being the oddball most of the time).

Fuck.

I think I like you a lot.
Stop invading my thoughts, with no actions and just a fragment of what just happened.


(Torn between indulging the whatcoudlvebeens and moving on)

Wants.

Familiar routine waiting for me when I come home / structured ways of handling things especially le emotions and moodswings / A sounding board when things go south, and also an appreciation when something goes smoothly / A free mind / A connected train of thought / Anxiety downtime / Runner's high / An organized mess / An organized train of thoughts / Ability to shut down the world by 1 AM, and ability to say Hi to Creator at wee hours of the night, for one on one session / A proper self-assurance / A new instrument / Learning a new language / Learning a new skill / For things to fall into place for once / A random text message / A good night sleep / A good day / or bad days that filled with things i can learn to accept and digest why they are so / A conversation - 2 way, no judgements / A person that I can invest all my time on and vice versa / A favorite non-fictitious person / A new landscape for photography / A new set of faces, for portrait photography / Being in a new city / Exploring my ideas - one by one, pros and cons, and implement it in a way / Not relying solely on dollar sign on every single thing / For bros to grow up, leave the nest and explore their own world / For me to work on things I enjoy / A fixed passion / More friends like I, and K. / Hugs / Cuddles / Pats / Peptalks / His / Goodnights / Goodmornings / I care about yous / Love.

Challenging Monday.

Beejebus. Why do feelings exist?

Someone just shot me with killer questions and I keep on feeding the curiosity.
I do not wish to be found, but deep down, I think I want to be saved. I'm (always) exhausted being everyone's superhero that is expected to be on her toes 24/7 with the cape.

Everything is a tad too overwhelming now.

--

"It was mine, that love.
I owned it.
//
You are what you love, not who loves you."

xx,
D.

Adik aku ni boleh tahan power gak buat reviews. Terkesima jap.
Oh, he said that he accidentally saw this blog and it was brought up in our conversation a few days back.

Aku lupa aku buat blog ni masa tengah serabut sebab nak lari dari realiti.
Typical Dalila.

Heh.

Coming Home

So, what to write?

I sorta have meeting at 10 pm today, yep on a public holiday.
Not for *work*, but sorta for my future, I need to be able to bend and be flexible with things if I want my shit to stay intact and not burst.

But thing is I don't know if the other party have accepted the invitation or not.

Weekend has been eventful. I wanted a weekend in to enjoy every bit of 4 days off work, but alas - priorities. Seeing everyone that I am not close with but have to function properly because blood was a challenge, but I think I did pretty good.

Didn't see Abah though and to be honest, I am not surprised. At all.

--

My thoughts have been jumping from point A to point B and at this rate I think I'm running out of alphabets as a reference point to all of the weird ideas my brain has been exploring. I don't know if it is because of what I am doing now, and that I am too comfortable doing it -- I feel like I am not made for something else. Like, you know, I think to myself "Hm, I might enjoy doing *that* and I might have all the experience needed for it" one day and the next day would be "No, who am I kidding, me?" shit that has been going on lately and it is exhausting. Truth to be told, I need a way out, pronto!

Am I thinking too much?
I am definitely thinking too much, right?
-.-"

--

I found this new stranger is too good to be true. Good looks, insightful conversations and creative flair to boot.

Of which why I have been hiding under my social cloak, and hope one day both my admiration towards him and the person itself would dissipates into thin air. Because I suck at turning admiration into something meaty and meaningful for myself, because "who am I kidding, me?".

One day, if I finally meet my man, I need to congratulate him and celebrate the fact that I am no longer awkward around the person I fancy. Because, I am such an awkward penguin.

--

63 days to my next adventure!

Is Your Love Big Enough?

I kept finding myself looking up pages after pages on MBTi traits lately. I used to believe that although I am an ISTJ on paper, behavioral wise I am a true INTJ.

I am intrigued by this to say the least.

--
In the past, I was easily inspired by random strangers. I have this HUGE unexplainable admiration towards them - of which some resulted in a friendship. Not too shabby.
*
2004
Met S (we're friends now, sorta) through my random blog hopping and she write all the right words.
Great taste in music, and movies.
I will always refer her to a sunshine because she just is - always with huge smile, positive posts and made me all happy to live life.

(I was having severe depression at the time)

I remembered I started to listed to The Spill Canvas because of her, too.

She micro-blogs now though and still, writes beautifully.

 *
2008
I met Boston girl (online of course) and she has this interesting way of telling mundane happenings in her blog that whenever there is a new entry, I wish she would post another one, and another one so that I can keep on reading her every word.

She took great candid, vintage-y pictures too. She made me plan a trip to Boston, which I don't know when exactly I will buy that plane ticket, but it is in the pipeline, trust me.

But sometimes in 2011, she went on a hiatus and I moved on with life. Until I found her blog again in 2014. (YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HAPPY THAT DAY WAS FOR ME)

However, she stopped writing online, and continue to pursue writing a book. 
Sad, but happy for her.

*
2015
And then I met A. He was pretty ordinary, friendly and humble. Nothing to shout about.
At the same time, I was having a major girl crush on X - and some random encounters made me stumble upon A's instagram feed. Boy I was so fucking wrong, he was the most interesting person that I could ever be acquainted with.

I don't know whether it is due to the sudden discovery and admiration of things he rather not boast about, or that he is perfectly my type (Tall, smart, humble, resourceful) - I asked him out to hang with me and the girls (which the girls were briefed that they would be my wingwomen for the night).

He was cool about it. But then later I found out that he was engaged. (my heart :'( )

However, having to know A for that short period of time, changed me. Like, I want to do better in life. I want to know more things. I want to be resourceful.

And then I plan my self discovery trip because my thoughts were super overwhelming, I needed a foreign land to think of things.

*
2016
You write effortlessly and with such content.

And, this, in return is making me feel and keeping going back to the days that I find joy in such writings.
I need to start again, though you don't know me, but thank you. You moved me.

:)

xx,
D