Ghost.

Tonight, I fell in love with my Creator, again and again.
Alhamdulillah for inspirational people.
Alhamdulillah for that special stranger that have been moving me ever since we crossed path. Everything that's dead inside is waking up one by one.

Even if we stopped talking ever since the lovely encounter -- I still appreciate that it happens.
Such thing is a rarity and I feel blessed to even been given a chance to experience.
World is not as bad as I thought it was.
:-)

--
I haven't seen kakyung in ages and we met up last Monday. I do not know whether it was me being hormonal or that I was really stressed out about life, I cried throughout the whole conversation and made my eyes all puffy it made me look more sepet than I already am.

But it was such a relief.
She told me to give myself 3 months to come up with a plan. On how to approach things in a different way.
Can't deny that I am too consumed with my work, work that I don't even enjoy.
I don't know what is anymore.

Back in consultancy firm, I was this odd, quiet analyst cum programmer taking pride in my own modules and being oblivious to whatever performance ranking there is. All that matters to me was my work and how good I was at delivering it. Do you know that you could be billed a wrong amount for your internet and won't be able to ask for a refund without my module? Yep, I did that.

I didn't talk to people that much, except for my small circle of colleagues, where we usually rant and bitch about stuff going wrong during our lunch in Victoria, or Bangsar South. Them, with close to zero Malay guys population allows for longer rant session on Fridays. I miss that. And I miss talking about new ideas and how to come up with another logic to solve another problem.

I was content. But the long  hours and my commitment at the time did not allow me to stay. So I moved onto the next big thing. Or so I thought. Where I am at is where I ALWAYS want to be. I was rejected a year before but I did not give up -- I guess it was a mixed of pride and ego that pushed me to keep at it, brushed up my skills (believe you me, more on people interactions skills -- I am not THAT weird but I am selective) and try again.

I got in. I fell in love with my work. For the first time since I graduated, post-odd jobs, I really really like what I was doing. I was meeting people looking at problems that interest me. Having a platform to implement my ideas. Having the flexibility to throw in what I think and test my theory out. It was a fun gig.

The management was A+ too, my boss was such a fussy lady but she meant well. I feel attached somehow.

But now... I do not know what is it that is holding me back. This place of dream is no longer a dream.

Thank Allah for awesome Grads circle to get me through my days.


I need to do something.